I Cant Have Her
by Yasona Black
Summary: Cyborg cant bear to betray his best friend. Everyday he hides his secret love knowing that it can only destroy him in the end.


I Cant Have Her

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**You take my breath away  
Killing me more everyday  
Why cant you see me  
Why cant you pretend that we're meant to be**

She's the most beautiful person I know; I can picture her so clearly in my mind; her shoulder-length blue hair that frames a set of violet eyes placed upon a placid sallow face enraptures me and takes the last bit of my breath away. She is the one of whom I think about before I sleep at night; she haunts my weary soul, the way her eyes swirl with untapped emotion, the way her mouth turns just a bit for a passing smile stays fresh in my mind everyday. Still, I know my place; I am just a friend to her and I am also the best friend of the person she loves; it would be so wrong to betray either of their friendship because I know with all my heart and soul that she doesn't want me.

**In my dreams we die together  
In my dreams we'll be with the other forever  
Why cant you love me just one day  
Why must you keep taking my soul away**

She tortures me everyday; every friendly glance she throws at me takes the last few bits of my fragile hope away; it is because that is all it is…just a friendly glance. And yet, my heart has to close itself off to all the looks she gives him; she doesn't even realize it herself, but she loves him and he loves her as I stand as both of their friends but nothing more. They would die for each other as I would die for the both of them.

**Why did I have to love you  
You're the girl that I cannot woo  
You don't love me at all  
And I'm just waiting for the fall**

I think, perhaps, that I truly am dying for both of them. He is my best friend; I cannot tell him how I feel and if I cant tell my best friend, who am I supposed to tell? So everyday my heart dies just a little bit more; it is this slow and painful destruction that will lead me to die for them because I will die to keep them alive. I want so much to show someone my pain, but should someone ask, the awful truth would come tumbling out of my mouth, words that I could never take back and awkwardness that would be forever between the three of us.

**Every glance you throw at me  
Makes my dragon want to be free  
But I know that it is impossible  
And my best friend is your only possible**

With every friendly suggestion and glance, a knife stabs slowly and remorselessly through my dying heart. I keep pushing myself less and less; I cannot seem to see why anything matters anymore, because I know I cant have her and there is no way I can keep her heart. Why did this affliction come to me? I don't think I can bear this painful curse any longer, this dark secret nests as a chained dragon in the depths of my soul. I feel the room getting smaller; I need to get out. I need to do something I haven't done in a long time.

**You're destroying my heart forever  
All the little pieces going into the never  
Because I know that you and I  
Will never see eye to eye**

I ran and I ran and forgot about everything else; I forgot about the pain. I forgot about the communicator by my side. All I knew was the sweet promise of freedom that came closer the farther I ran; it was as if time didn't exist not until I finally slowed to a stop. I had reached a barren field of dry and dead grass; it looked as if that would be my heart in a matter of hours, how wrong I wish I could have been.

**Why did I have to love you  
You're the one I cant be true to  
Because I want you here tonight  
Even though I know, it will never be alright**

I finally opened the beeping communicator and my heart was not dry and barren, but bleeding anew as those words reverberated through my head. I swore. This could not be happening, not now, not today.

"_Raven and Beastboy are dead."  
"Are dead."  
"Dead."_

I slammed my cybertronic fist into the communicator; this wasn't right. They were supposed to live together…I…I was supposed to protect them! I was supposed to die for them! I didn't deserve this gift of life, I didn't deserve his friendship…and…I didn't deserve to love her; she was right in loving Beastboy instead of me; they were meant to each other. I was just a traitor who doesn't deserve the kindness or warmth that they gave me. I can't live like this…I'm tired of this cursed affliction…I don't deserve her…I never did. I can't have her…I let them down because of my own self-pity! I am not worthy enough to live and I will never have her. I can't have her.

_"Raven and Beastboy are dead."  
"Raven and Beastboy."  
"Raven and Beastboy."_

**It's time for me to say good-bye  
Time to leave and never ask why  
My love for you is written in my own bloody hand  
As I leave forever, this forsaken land**

_**Here lies Raven  
Teen Titan  
and protector of  
us all.**_

_**Here lies Beastboy  
Teen Titan  
and a loving  
comedian.**_

**_Here lies Cyborg  
Teen Titan  
and Best Friend_**

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This story is dedicated to all those who have loved someone so much that they would die for them, but knows that they will never receive their love in return.

I also do not own TT.


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